Déjà vu

Sometimes the similarities of my children amaze me. And I’m not talking about the similarities between my identical twins, those two can be as different as night and day sometimes. I mean the déjà vu that I experience when things happen two years after they already happened before…

The other night, Benjamin must have had a nightmare because he woke up crying and muttering something about getting back into the bathtub. I went up and comforted him and held him for a few minutes. But even after he settled, he didn’t want me to leave, he just wanted me to sit next to him and hold his hand, to which I willingly obliged. I was sitting on the floor next to his toddler bed, which is just his convertible crib with the side taken off, watching him gently breathe, and it made me think back to a time when I had done this before.

Connor co-slept with us until he was about 18 months old. By that point, I was about five months pregnant with the twins, and the bed was getting a little too crowded. We also knew we needed to get Connor into his own room before his brothers arrived, for his own sake, so he could sleep undisturbed at night. When we first transitioned him, we moved the crib into our room, right next to my side of the bed. The only way I could get Connor to settle down and sleep was to lay down on the bed and slide my hand through the crib slats, holding his hand until he fell asleep. Even after he transitioned into his room, if he had a rough night, we would go in and sit next to his crib and hold his hand to comfort him. I can’t tell you how many times he broke my heart when that little hand would reach out through the slats, quietly asking for reassurance.

As I sat there, holding Benjamin’s hand, it reminded me of the little things we do to comfort our children, to show them how much we love them and that we are there for them always. It might not seem like much, but a touch, a smile, a whisper of encouragement… they can all go a long way in letting our babies know that it is all going to be okay.


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